Praise Of The Conflict

Ana traveled comfortably installed on the AVE towards Barcelona, ​​where she was going to visit a client. Suddenly his cell phone rang. It was Jorge, the factory manager of her company, who called her to let her know that an order they had pending was not going to be delivered that week.

Ana couldn’t believe it. They were over a month late with that order. In a few minutes, the conversation grew louder, until they became embroiled in a bitter argument that lasted for a long twenty minutes.

Ana hung up with an expletive. Suddenly she noticed that, next to her, an older man was looking at her in surprise. With some embarrassment, he apologized:

“Sorry, I just had an angry argument with a co-worker.”

“Don’t worry, it hasn’t bothered me.”

“Besides, I’m afraid I’ve gotten into a good conflict …”

-And that is bad?

Ana did not react at first. She wasn’t sure she heard what she thought she heard. Full of curiosity, she asked him:

“Excuse me … Did you ask me if it’s bad?”

“Yes, indeed, I have.”

Ana was thoughtful while assessing the intentions of her companion, who did not see clearly. In the end, and seeing the frankness in his eyes, he decided to follow the conversation:

“Well, yes, I’m convinced it’s bad.” Any conflict necessarily is.

The man introduced himself:

My name is Max, and I have to tell you that I, on the other hand, am a great defender of conflicts

“My name is Ana, and I hate you.” Or rather, I have panic. That is why I avoid them at all costs.

“Well, since we have a good time traveling, let me try to convince you of my thesis.” You can’t escape either …

Ana liked the old man’s irony and, besides, she was right. At 300 km per hour and without further stops to Barcelona, ​​he had few options.

-Ahead. I recognize that I am their prey.

—You see, Ana, for a long time conflicts scared me the same as you, but now I am more scared by relationships in which there are no arguments and in which nothing ever happens. That there are no conflicts between two people could be an example of perfect coexistence, but much more often it is a symptom of an “anesthetized” relationship in which people have given up disagreeing or discussing things to have the party in peace. Apparent relationships that have little to do with authenticity …

“Max, you’re going to have to explain yourself better if you want to convince me.”

—Groups, teams, or relationships that are alive have discrepancies. They argue. And sometimes they conflict. And that shows that things are said and defended, and that there is energy in that relationship.

“Energy and bad vibes, right?”

“There may be at one point.” But if you know how to deal with the conflict, it won’t last. And there will have been growth along the way.

“I understand that point, but I’m far from convinced.”

—Ana, conflict is not to be feared. What you need to know is how to fix it.

We should not aspire to be conflict-free, but to have the courage and willingness to address them.

“I still don’t understand what they are of use to us …

– It is simply that they are inevitable if we have an open and frank relationship. Avoiding them leads us to stop defending our convictions. But, I insist, the key is to talk about them.

Ana was beginning to sympathize with Max’s arguments. He reflected for a moment and asked:

“Any clue how to do it?”

—First, choose the right moment: not too early, when the conflict is incandescent, not too late, when it has grown too cold. In the first case it is very easy for emotions to betray us. In the second, the misinterpretations will have already appeared.

—And how are they solved when the time comes?

“Sharing a coffee and talking about what happened to us. ” Each of his own. Without attacks, without wanting to win the battle, simply by sharing emotions.

—It seems complicated to put into practice.

“Because we don’t dare.” Because we think that the other will not want to. And sometimes it is true, but very rarely …

“And when we have said unpleasant things to each other, like the ones I said to myself with my partner a while ago?”

“There is something that always works: apologize. ” And, of course, never demand them.

Ana was thoughtful. He knew the consequences of that answer, and he also knew that it would be difficult for him to do what he had to do. He ventured to a final question:

—And in the end, what do we get out of that conflict? I do not forget that you defend it.

—Behind a spoken conflict there is always a growth in confidence. In complicity there is a healthy dose of confrontation and some conflict always creeps in.

Ana was listening carefully and Max took the opportunity to complete his explanation:

—There are no authentic relationships that have not been through conflict.

Conflict is a teacher, although we won’t know until we’re through it

They announced the arrival in Barcelona. The train began to stop. Ana picked up her cell phone. He felt the need to send a message to Jorge inviting him to a coffee on his return. After hitting the send key, she turned to thank Max for the suggestive conversation.

But the seat was empty. He must have come down by now, though he didn’t understand how he had vanished so quickly. And certainly, from the neatness of the seat, it seemed that no one had traveled there …