One Of Lime And One Of Sand: An Old Strategy Of The Patriarchy

It must have happened to you: a man gives you a wonderful moment and then disappears. Or it creates a romantic space and in the end it causes a space of pain. Alternating doses of doubt with others of indifference is an old patriarchal strategy to make women suffer and, with it, make them more submissive, vulnerable and devoted.

The old trick of giving one of lime and one of sand works for them because it makes women feel insecure, an indispensable condition for them to be satisfied with the few crumbs of love that are given to them. In this way, women in love are always available whenever they want, and the more women they have around them, the more loved and important they feel. But how do they carry this strategy to fruition?

• Step 1: Make the woman feel special. The first step of this strategy that patriarchal men use is very simple: it is about making women believe that they are unique, special and wonderful (so that they fall madly in love). They generally accompany the beautiful romantic speeches with material gifts and details such as flowers, chocolates, jewelry –and other objects considered romantic–, as proof that they are generous men who want to share their resources with the woman they love.
• Step 2. Feign indifference. The second step, when the women have already fallen in love, is to begin to act mysterious, to feign indifference. They can do it suddenly or gradually: they stop answering messages, they spend several hours or days absent, they space out their declarations of romantic love, they do not answer the phone or they pretend that they are very busy and do not have time for them. When they are with them they are also absent, hooked on their phone or any nearby screen.

In public they physically separate themselves from them so that they are the ones who seek contact, and even hide to generate anxiety in them.

• Step 3. Generate doubts. The third step consists of pretending that one is not very clear about what he feels or how he feels, to generate confusion and anguish. There are very common phrases in them: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me”, “I need to find myself”, “I’m afraid of love”, “I don’t know if I want to have a partner”, “I don’t want to hurt you because I’m very confused”, “I’m not at the ideal time to have a partner” …

How to get away from this romantic trap

The key to not falling into this trap is to nip a relationship in the bud as soon as we begin to feel fear, insecurity, or anguish. It is not about analyzing their behavior to try to understand what is happening to the patriarchal man and why he has changed so much, but to be focused on what we are feeling.

It does not matter why a man doubts or why he behaves in such a contradictory way: generally his aim is to make us suffer so that we are on our knees begging for a little love.

This type of man acts like this to feel powerful, and also because he has a very big ego and a very fragile self-esteem.

We are expected to be understanding and wait to see if our love generates more love in them, that is why it is so important to rebel and leave these relationships as soon as they begin to generate painful emotions in us.

We were not born to wait or to suffer, we were not born to endure or to allow ourselves to be treated badly: once we are clear that we deserve an honest and committed partner, it is much easier to understand that it is best to run in the opposite direction. A man who makes us suffer is not a good partner, nor is he a good person: it is impossible to enjoy love with someone who pretends to be confused or afraid.

Let’s be practical: that in our lives there are only brave and generous people, people who know how to enjoy love. And the men who love us suffering, let us leave them far away from us.