Less Egocentricity And More Flourishing All Together

Surrendering to others, feeling that their happiness somehow reverberates in us and makes us feel good and in harmony with life, seems to be closely related to our ability to give and receive love in a balanced way.

No one can give what they don’t have or enjoy what they don’t think they deserve. For this reason, in order to make others happy, it is first necessary to truly love oneself, from the heart, and that sometimes is not as easy as we imagine.

Some people, for example, are always willing to do a thousand and one favors but feel uncomfortable in the opposite role; It is not easy for them to accept the affection or attention that others give them willingly, even when they are sick and really need it.

They are probably unaware that if they accept, without reservation, what is given to them willingly allows others to experience the extraordinary happiness of giving.

Working universal solidarity will make you better

If we keep score and we strive to return favor, please do not embellish our soul, nor do we flourish, nor do we magnify any relationship; We may reaffirm our pride or appease our fear of appearing weak or vulnerable. Whatever it is that moves us to act in this way, it surely has to do with a certain ancestral distrust of accepting the good without more.

On the other hand, if we feel fully worthy of all the good that happens to us, we appreciate what sometimes people who cross our path offer us and, at the same time, we practice generosity without expecting anything in return, we strengthen our confidence in the life and we feel that pleasant sense of unity that we could call happiness.

To achieve that loving internal balance, that state that allows us to stimulate our well-being and emotional openness and those of the people around us, it is essential to shed, with affection, many prejudices and erroneous beliefs that we have accumulated since we were little and that we are passing by. from parents to children without even realizing it.

Remove weeds

Although sometimes we are not aware of it, the vast majority of human beings carry within a severe judge that governs our existence and often it often creates feelings of shame, guilt and frustration, instead of playing in our favor and helping us to see the loving and positive side of life.

“There is something in our mind that judges everything and everyone, especially ourselves,” says Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. Often times, the beliefs that make up the particular “Book of the Law” of this inner judge are harmful but are ingrained in our unconscious because they provide us with security and have become our “comfort zone. “

Leaving there, although it is absolutely necessary to grow and love, usually generates great insecurity and a lot of fear. But if we do not go beyond the known, if we do not graciously transcend the norms of that resentful judge, we will hardly be able to value ourselves. Rather, we will continue to judge and criticize others rather than contribute to their well-being and ours.

“If we do not take the step – affirms Miguel Ruiz -, we will continue to perceive the world as an inhospitable place and life as a ‘valley of tears’, and we will miss the possibility of considering it an interesting adventure, often fascinating, full of opportunities to meet wonderful people, unite our voices and connect with beauty in the most unexpected places “.

That is to say, we will lose the possibility of feeling the state of grace that produces delivery and service to others. But how do you eliminate that unpleasant feeling that produces, for example, envy and get to the pure joy of sharing situations of fulfillment with others ?

The freedom of others

To appease that judge who transforms us into victims and executioners at will, it is necessary to plant within ourselves less dramatic, more luminous beliefs that, once rooted, allow us to have a greater capacity to put ourselves in the place of the other and tune in with their feelings.

The seeds of empathy, when they flourish, unfold a multitude of extraordinary new perspectives. For example, it is easier for us to listen, we are even more pleased than talking about ourselves. When instead of listening, one listens without the slightest intention of making judgments, making assumptions or exposing their beliefs, automatically the other calms down and, in this way, a loving communication is created that is a true balm for both parties.

If we listen with a loving attitude, joy will make an appearance. Because joy and love go hand in hand.

Speak from the heart

Another seed that predisposes us to feel happy and to spread our radiant state to others is to use words with affection and coherence. “It is so easy to speak that we do not realize the miracle it represents and the enormous power that words have” – ​​says Mercè Castro Puig in Words that console -.

“When we express ourselves with our mother tongue, sounds come out without thinking, as if by magic, and each word contains our way of seeing life. Language defines us and helps us to share feelings.”

“Talking about our emotions heals and establishes good bonds, as long as we speak from the heart, from the center of our being, from our most sacred self. If not, words do not serve to strengthen ties because they are empty. When we say one thing and we feel another, we waste the immense power of words “.

According to this author, words of love build bridges that help move from darkness to light, because they create harmony and peace. By verbalizing a quality or something beautiful about someone who may not be going through their best moment, we activate the switch within us that unites us to creation, to the entire universe, and that gives the other the impulse to feel better.

Each word of love thus supposes a victory of life.

Two ways to create harmony

On a daily basis we have many opportunities to smooth things over, shorten distances and feel more united with those around us, sometimes to the point of living sublime moments together. Certain habits can help you:

• Bless. This word literally means well to say, that is , to speak well of others, highlight their qualities, rejoice in their achievements … if we bless instead of envy or criticize, we not only facilitate all the good that we are capable of coming into our lives. to see in others, but we contribute to the flourishing of others.
• Appreciate. Valuing what we have and the people around us opens the door to pleasant and shared sensations of serenity and well-being.

We are all one

“Giving someone all your love does not ensure that they love you, do not expect them to love you for the mere fact of loving them ; just hope that love grows in the heart of the other person. And if it does not grow, be happy because it grew in the other person. There are things that you would love to hear, that you will never hear from who you would like to say them; but do not be so deaf as not to hear them from the one who says them from his heart “, assures Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who dedicated her life to serve and love others.

She, like the great teachers, affirmed that we are all one and that what happens to someone in any part of the world has repercussions in some way on the rest of humanity. The “butterfly effect” would call scientists when they say that the beating wings of a butterfly on one end of the planet could add to the set of factors that trigger a tornado in a remote area.

If we want our fluttering, our passage through life, to create moments of acceptance, openness and fruitfulness, we will have to acquire flexibility to adapt to changes, tenacity to walk the path, with an open heart despite obstacles, and patience. necessary to continue loving until our last breath.

If each one brings to life their particular grain of love, together we will make the world a better place.

Symptoms of self-centeredness

Self-centeredness and the dissatisfaction that it entails is usually the main obstacle to enjoying life in communion with others.

The following guidelines allow you to detect if the ego is raised in tone:

• We try to attract attention by talking about our problems.
• We give our opinion when it is not necessary.
• We are easily offended.
• We are very careful to be liked by others.
• It bothers us not to get recognition for what we do.
• We try to impress others with our possessions, knowledge, physical appearance, etc.
• We often believe that others are wrong. When this happens, it is convenient to vary the life perspective, if necessary with the help of a therapist.

Bibliography

• Miguel Ruiz, The four agreements . Ed Urano
• Mª Carmen Martínez Tomás, The spirit of aloha . Ed Ocean
• Eckhart Tolle, All living beings are one . Ed Debolsillo
• Marianne Williamson, Back to Love . Ed Urano