People Who Live In The Complaint: Does Their Negativity Affect You?

Surely you know someone who is constantly complaining. It seems that she always has a problem or that everything bad happens to her. When she arrives at a meeting, it even gives the impression that the atmosphere is thinning and the room becomes darker, as if an invisible fog is accompanying her. We are facing what many call a “toxic person”.

In principle, these people do not have bad intention in their behavior, nor are they the abusers that we have seen in other articles. However, their negativity ends up affecting people who live or spend a lot of time with them.

They are people who contribute little or nothing, absorb your energy and end up dragging you into their way of seeing the world. The first step to avoid the negative effect of these people is to detect them to be able to put distance and avoid their toxicity. To do this, I have compiled a number of characteristics, based on my practice experience.

How to spot people who drag you into negativity

Marina spoke to me in one of her sessions in my office about a lifelong friend whom she was beginning to identify as toxic. It gave her the impression that her friend “fed on problems.” Even if they were enjoying a quiet vacation, he always managed to cause some difficulty and end up arguing with anyone. Is someone around you having this effect on you? Here are some keys to detect these types of people.

• They are never happy

They always have some reason for complaint. Even having a comfortable and trouble-free life, they always find something to complain about.

• They are always negative

They always see the negative side of things. Even in the best situations they detect a bad side. They are not able to enjoy anything because they magnify that dark part and they cannot see the bright one.

• Blame it on the others

They never take responsibility for what they do. They blame everything on others.

• No dialogue possible

If at any time you seek to dialogue with them to try to solve a misunderstanding, this is never possible. They are closed to any communication attempt to solve the problem. The conversation ends up leading to new discussions that bring back the usual reproaches and blame.

• Only they count

For these people only their point of view is valid. They are not able to empathize with other people or relax their posture.

• You give them chances but they always fail

For your part, you always try to give them a new opportunity to fix things and, although at first it seems that they can improve, in the end they end up returning to their same old mechanisms and make you feel bad.

• Memory of ancient events

In any discussion, they always bring to light some fault or some bad word that could have annoyed them, even if you said it decades ago. Instead of focusing on finding solutions, they wallow in the negative past.

What to do if that person cannot change

Obviously, these people have their own personal problems and act in this way out of their own shortcomings. We can always try to help you. However, if they do not recognize their problem and do not make an effort to change, then others cannot do anything for them either.

Marina was in this circumstance. She had given her friend countless opportunities and, although, at first, it seemed that everything was going well, progressively, the situation was degenerating and negativity and toxicity took over again.

After verifying that there was no possible change, the only solution for Marina was to distance herself from her friend and clearly mark the limits of what she wanted or did not want to do with her. He could not force her to change, nor could he stay with her for long, because she ended up involved in his arguments and the problems that he caused.

By distancing herself from this toxic friend, Marina gained quality of life. By staying with her less, she was able to start spending more time with other friends with whom each little mishap did not mean the beginning of a huge row.