3 Options To Solve A Couple Conflict

Couple conflicts exist and you have to know how to deal with them. There are many reasons that can lead to an argument, especially in these relationships where there is a lot of affection and attachment invested from both spouses.

Ways to deal with and alleviate conflicts with your partner

How can we face these disagreements and solve them? Here I offer you a little guide in this regard.

1. The agreement

Reaching an agreement is probably the most desirable of the options, although it is not always possible. Agreeing is very different from negotiating, since it does not imply accepting intermediate conditions but rather finding a third option that satisfies both.

If you don’t want to see the action movie and I don’t like the French movie, then let’s go see a comedy. Too often we believe that an argument has only two possible options, mine or yours, and we forget other ways to find our own.

However, it is not always possible to find that third option. However, we must avoid thinking that the way out is to find a gray: that would be to return to the negotiation. What I am talking about is that the solution, sometimes, is an orange, a purple or a yellow with green dots.

There is an expression in English that illustrates this way of thinking very well beyond the options that are obvious, and it would literally be translated as “ Think outside the box” . To find that new option that satisfies both of us, we must think creatively, since it is often not given but must be created specifically according to the needs of each situation.

2. The resignation

As I said, when there is no such third option, it is not possible to agree. Let’s suppose that in the cinema we are in, there are no other options than the action movie and the French one. What can we do then?

If we want to avoid the discomforts of negotiation, but we still want to go to the cinema together, one of the two will have to resign: either I will accompany you to see the movie you want and I will give up seeing the one I want, or you will accompany me to see mine and give up yours. And perhaps you will say to me: “But that’s the same as negotiation!” It is not.

The difference is that if I choose to quit, you don’t owe me anything. It is not worth saying the next time we go to the movies: “Ah! Now I choose because last time you chose ”, because that would be to return to the negotiation.

When you quit, you quit. You don’t put it on your list to claim it later. If you feel that you cannot give up your preference without believing yourself to be a creditor, then the best thing to do is not give up. You will have to look for other options, but either is preferable to a negotiation disguised as a resignation.

3. The disagreement

There are times when a mutually satisfactory third option cannot be agreed upon if neither of you is able to truly resign without billing later. In these cases, we must accept that we disagree and that this activity or decision cannot be shared.

Returning to the example of the cinema: you will go to see the French film and I, the action film. And you don’t need to get angry about it. If we understand that disagreement is a normal outcome of a conflict, we can still say, “Have fun, meet us out for dinner!”

Not sharing some things does not mean that we cannot share others. But if we get angry because we can’t find an agreement or because the other doesn’t quit, then we will certainly miss out on sharing what we had in common.

Few issues are so important that if we don’t get some kind of agreement, we have to dissolve the bond. Perhaps a good example is the decision to have children or not, as this implies very different life projects and it would be difficult to accept that of the other without betraying oneself too much.

But these cases are the least frequent and in most cases a disagreement does not imply a break or a weakness of the bond. On the contrary: the ability to maintain a friendly disagreement says a lot in favor of that relationship.